Psalm 51

It was supposed to be a beautiful weekend getaway. We were in St. Petersburg, Florida for an Indy car race. Our hotel offered us a balcony that overlooked the expansive white beach and ocean. Instead I was crying, again. The conversation when something like this.

ANGIE: What is going on with me? My sense of failure is at an all-time high. I'm so full of self-righteous pity?

Asking God honest questions opens the door to God's honest answers.

GOD: Get to the core, Angie. Why? Are you seeking things that are not meant to be yours? Are you trying so hard to impress others that you are disappointing yourself? What you need is a deep cleansing of the heart, empowered by God, and emptied of yourself.

I'm not sure I was ready for God's direct answer.

ANGIE: All that is in my head right now, God, is Psalm 51, specifically Keith Green's version.

Create in me a clean heart.

I thank you for redeeming my life. Because of your death and resurrection, I can repent and recommit myself to one thing-YOUR PURPOSE, YOUR WILL, YOUR WAY.

Thank you for your forgiveness. I am sorry, God, for relying on my own thoughts, ideas, abilities, communication, relationships, planning, managing, etc. I have relied so much on me that the heart pressure has damaged my thinking.

GOD: As a man thinks in his heart, he is.

ANGIE: So, I ask for a cleansing of my heart.

Fresh, White, Clean, Pure, Innocent, Burden-Free

O God.

You are God, and I am not. I am not the hero of anyone's story, not even mine. You are. My life is in your hands. My creation was designed by you. You are sovereign. You can be trusted and you have my good in mind all the time. My perception isn't as important as my perseverance in living close to you.

And renew a right spirit within me.

Eternal perspective. My legacy must be you - It's who I am. I am not what I do, not what position I hold, not what I accomplish-NOT my own notoriety or respect. My purpose is simple. It is YOU. Lord, set my spirit right. Straighten me unp. Lord, I'm moving ahead with my mind and my emotions. Renew a right mind and right emotions in me.

The torment of self-doubt, self-disappointment, always examining myself, NOT my spirit, with such close scrutiny is destroying me. I see so much, all the wrong, all the mistakes, weaknesses, and all that I am not. Lord, remind me of who I am. I am your daughter, precious, preserved, and loved. I am brave, strong, stubborn, and kind. I am beautiful and I take care of myself.

A right spirit within me is contentment, not complaint or comparison. A spirit of deep, genuine joy and laughter, Lord. Restore to me such joy, such peace. I want to laugh and be so happy.

Cast me not away from your presence, O Lord.

You won't ever. I draw near to you, and you draw near to me.

Take not your Holy Spirit from me.

You won't. Your Spirit reminds me that I am your Child. All these areas of failure, Abba Father, I need you to fix them. I need you to guide me in sorting them out. I need you.

Thank you that you give yourself so freely to me. Enlarge my capacity for spiritual things. Do not fill my cup, but enlarge it.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation.

As far as the east is from the west you cast things away. All of those ugly, little sins that fight, rear their heads in an attempt to destroy me, God, you destroy them and you restore me.

Lord, Proverbs 31 describes a virtuous woman. I don't live with deep regrets. If I trust you, then the timing of all things is in your hands. You are happy to give me good things. You are delighted in me. Help me to find joy in who I am.

And, again, renew a right spirit within me.

Outwardly wasting away, but I am inwardly being renewed day by day for the purpose of eternity. Let me focus on you in the everyday of life.

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As Psalm 51 marinated in my mind, God spoke TRUTH that I use to combat the LIES of the enemy. These statements are my commitment, and the words that direct my mind to the heart of God.

I will focus on you in the everyday of life.

I will be brave and trust the nudging of your Spirit.

I will laugh and choose joy in who and where I am, instead of jealousy in who and where I'm not.

I will seek opportunities to do good for others. I will walk in grace and confidence, shutting down and quieting the voice that is not my Father's.

This is my commitment, O God! This is my plan, my perspective, my point in living.

Seal these things within me.

Amen.